Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Holier Than Thou

Ok, I've been struggling with finding the right words for this post for quite some time. I've never been one to give much consideration to other peoples' feelings when it comes to my life choices, but considering everything that's happened in the last year or so, I think it's about time for me to clear up a few things.

Over recent months you've probably seen me making religious references, posts and the like (if you're friends with me on Facebook). If you've known me for any real amount of time, this would seem pretty out of color to you. If I remember right, I was asked if my profile had been hacked. No, dear friends, fret not, my profile is still in MY possession. So why all these posts then? "What happened?" you're probably asking yourself. Allow me to clarify.

When I was a kid, I wasn't ever really exposed to any sort of religion. Not enough to be able to formulate any kind of mature opinion about it anyway. So when I was a teenager and started coming up with my own thoughts and speculations, I started being more aware of the spiritual side of life, and the people that came with it. From the get-go, what I was faced with wasn't very pretty. The Christians I had met were a pretty judgmental lot, and from that point on I received a few different responses from them when talking to them. The conversation would swing to religion, as is commonplace for Christians, and when I would share that I really didn't KNOW if God existed, I was immediately met with a couple standard responses: "You're a sinner, and that's bad, you need to repent and change." Which I took as, "You're not good enough for God the way you are, and you're not good enough to be around us, so change or go away". Another response, "You're a sinner, you're going to hell, it's too late for you." that one pretty much speaks for itself.

So you can see how I would develop a pretty stained view of religion. These people are given so many rules and regulations (of which I didn't really know anything about), and THESE are those rules? To judge me? Hate me? Even FEAR me? Huh... well, no use looking into THAT, they don't want me, I don't want them. That was my standpoint from then on. EVERY Christian I had encountered was like that. EVERY Christian I saw in the media appeared that way, using the Bible as a weapon and faith as a shield. And I wondered, if God was so good and grand and loving and compassionate like everyone is trying to tell me, how is it that THESE are his representatives?

The turning point? One family. One group of people who lived by their beliefs. A guy came to work at my place of employment. Regular Joe, friendly, but quiet, ruggedly handsome (haha, Yes Paul I gave you a gratuitous compliment to make you feel good!). Nothing out of the ordinary. After he'd worked there a while and hadn't seemed to really grab onto anybody in the office I thought, "Huh, I oughta hang out with this guy a little and see what he's about." What would I have to lose? It all works out, I get a free friend out of it. So upon talking with him he shares that he's a Christian. "here it comes..." I say to myself. But no, nothing pushy, preachy, angry, hateful or judgmental... just pleasant conversation. Even when I say that religion really isn't my thing, nothing. Mind = blown.

So I continue to spend time with Paul, which expands into hanging out with him and his family (which is quite large)... every single one of them, the same thing. Not a single judgmental comment or insinuation. Over the course of time, we became pretty much assimilated into that family. My wife and I and our daughter were just another set of kids to them. The puzzler here? We were made a part of this family JUST AS WE WERE! So my wife and I have the discussion about it. We had finally met a group of Christians who hadn't jumped into our path to try and save our souls, or simply tell us that we're lost. Maybe God is out there? Maybe THIS, love, is what it's about?

That moment, when our minds were open just a sliver was the pivotal moment in this entire journey. We were invited to spend Christmas Eve with their whole family. A huge endeavor and a grand sight to behold. A mountain of presents, not a frowny face on a single child, it's awesome. But there was one moment, one gift that changed our entire outlook, and threw open the doors of my mind (which I might add are very elegant french doors with beautiful gold trim and... oh ummm, ok back on track), allowing the entire message to hit me full force. I unwrap a present that's from the entire family, to MY family. Inside the paper was something I never expected. A Bible. A family Bible. Now, formerly, I probably would've taken that the same way a woman takes getting a vacuum cleaner from her husband for Christmas: "Time to clean up!". But it only served to open my mind even more when I read the letter that accompanied it. It's a very personal heartfelt letter, so I won't share all of it, but I will give you the cliff notes. In short, it was a huge part of their lives, and we've become so special to them that they wanted to share that, even if we didn't read it.

Now my wife and I have a big discussion about it. All our lives we'd been shunned and judged by people of faith, supposedly in the name of God. But now, we've been shown firsthand what He truly wants and commands. We had been denied the knowledge by ourselves and it was time to allow ourselves to find it. We started reading on our own, asking questions now that we had people willing to answer them, and we started going to Hilltop Community Church, where we have been welcomed openly and lovingly by everyone. We've learned so much in such a short time just by being ALLOWED to. It's changed our perspective on life and people. It worked for us, and it IS working for us. THESE are the ideals I want my daughter to grow up with. The things I want her to learn and practice. Values that I had ignored out of anger and ignorance that are so important.

I hope that those of you not religiously inclined aren't offended or insulted by this post. I just felt that some of you might be confused by my recent behavior, and this would be the prime opportunity to jump ship if you don't feel like it's something you can tolerate. If you can't, I respect your point of view, because I'm sure I shared it at some point in my life.

What I hope you will take away from this post is that if you've encountered the people from the first half of my post, don't make the mistake I made and consider that the norm. Look for yourself, don't let them be the ones to give you the answers. The example they're living by is false, and is not the example God had in mind when he sent Jesus to us. I hope everyone can get something from this post, and be able to give faith, and ANYTHING a second look before walking away. If any of you have questions, or just feel like venting at me, feel free.

I'd like to say a special thank you to the Schnorbus Family (Frank Sr., Robin, Paul, Steph, Sharon, Frankie, Penny, Sam, Ken and Kristen) for all their love, acceptance and guidance.