Well, it's been a little while since I posted, so I figured it was about time. Life has been crazy, busy, hectic and yet amazingly fulfilling and rewarding. Ultimately, I haven't had the time nor energy to devote to coming up with a topic and then spewing it out onto this page. But over the last couple weeks, my wife and I have been faced with a situation that has presented itself multiple times, in a couple different manifestations, and it's been weighing heavily on us, as we aren't terribly sure how to approach it.
As parents, we tend to be pretty blind when it comes to how to raise children. We obviously have some very different beliefs from everyone else. In other words, every parent has a different idea of how to raise their child. That can cause us to view another family's idea of parenting in a negative way, depending on the situation. So, at what point are we being too self righteous? When do we cross over into the "holier-than-thou" category? And on the flip side, when are those feelings justified?
Here's the breakdown of the situations. We know a couple families that we've been inclined to be concerned for. Both will insist that they are awesome parents, and that they're doing their best, and that they're doing everything in the best interest of their kids. To summarize, we have a hard time believing it, based on things that have taken place. Without going into too much detail, it doesn't seem like they're making all the necessary precautions for their child's safety and wellbeing. A child shouldn't be exposed to drugs or paraphernalia, it should not be accessible to them, and drugs should not be USED while they can be exposed to the effects. By inviting people with continuous, extensive criminal behavior into your house, you're putting your child at risk. Personally... I'm not willing to take that risk.
In addition to just plain and simple DANGER being a part of a child's life, how are they being interacted with at home? In both cases, these parents are also claiming to be attentive, loving parents. Again, we have a hard time seeing it, based on the way the children interact with others, and on some occasions, the behavior at home has been observed. The child will want to ask a question, and is shushed and shooed way. Or, the child is just not SPOKEN to at home. And by that I mean, the parents don't sit down and just talk to them or have conversation with them, or play with them. The conversation goes as far as "Daddy, I have to go potty", "Ok, go ahead and go"... and that's it. Or, "Here, play with this" and then it's on to whatever they were doing before they were "interrupted" by the kids.
As you may be able to tell, I'm a little perturbed about both of these situations. We're left with a few options, none of which are favorable at all: 1.) Do nothing, let the child grow up in that situation and suffer for it later, 2.) Approach the parents and end the friendship entirely, as the parents don't see themselves doing anything wrong, 3.) Approach the authorities and let them handle it. Not a very promising list of outcomes when you fast forward through any of the options... I've prayed about this for a while over the last few weeks, since it really started bothering me, and I just haven't been given the answer yet. Which is why that's the point of this post. This isn't a post designed to give you advice, it's more of a request for advice... When faced with only these options, none of which will have a happy or constructive outcome for EVERYONE, what do you do?
And furthermore, are we bad people for feeling like THEY aren't doing their best as parents? Are they bad parents, or are we just overstepping our moral bounds?
Input is very much welcome on this one guys, we want to know what you think. Give us a hand.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Read The Ingredients
Well, it's been a while since I posted, so I figured it was about time for another one. Reading the title, you would probably guess this is going to be a post about what I feed my kid, or what things she's not allowed to eat... and you'd be wrong. This discussion is deeper than that. It's about faith and beliefs. I'd like to examine the ingredients in the "mental meals" we prepare for our children. Are they healthy? Will they make your little boy or girl grow up big and strong? Here's hoping.
A very close friend of ours once told us a very enlightening story about taking her daughter to church. She was asked at one point WHY she was taking her daughter to church, as if she were forcing her daughter to do something she didn't want to do. Now, this was when her daughter was very young, probably close to my daughter's age. So she answered that her daughter was going to develop values and ideals and morals, the only question was where they'd be coming from. Her friends? TV? Her idea was that as her mother, she had her best interests in mind and therefore, HER beliefs and ideals would be the first ones into her daughter's brain, not anyone else's. This is paraphrased because I can't remember her exact words. What a brilliant theory.
My wife and I have come a long way in a short time as far as faith is concerned. That's another story. The point here is that we believe in God, and we believe Jesus died for our sins. We believe in what the Bible teaches, and what Christianity stands for and teaches. Therefore, that's what WE choose to teach our daughter. She's our child, our legacy, our crowning achievement, and we want her to have something solid to turn to when she's faced with a moral challenge. She goes to church with us on Sundays, and participates in Sunday school, and participates in a church club as well. The values they represent match our own hopes for her. Are we forcing our will upon her? I've asked myself the question a thousand times. The conclusion I always come to is NO. She's 3 years old, and we have to look at what she's learning from us and from the places WE get our knowledge. The Bible, the church, and God himself. The teachings: Love, peace, faith, forgiveness, fellowship, devotion and a long list of other things. If that's what she's getting from it, does that make us bad parents for teaching those things, and letting her take part in programs and activities that support those things? I think not.
Children learn more from their parents than they do from anywhere else. So the real question then, is what do you want to be feeding your child's brain and heart? What ingredients are going into the "meals" you make everyday? Can your child forgive a person for a mistake? Can they love a person even though they've made those mistakes? Above all else, whatever you want your children to know, make damn sure of one thing: THAT IT COMES FROM YOU. We as parents have been handed a huge responsibility. We are in charge of shaping a human being. We're given the opportunity to look at ourselves, see what we like most, and what we dislike most, pick out the good parts, throw them in a bowl, mix them up and bake them into a human being. We all have qualities we don't like about ourselves. When we have children, we have an opportunity to leave those out of the recipe. It's an opportunity, or even an excuse, to correct those things about yourself, so they don't become baked into your child. That being said, I can't repeat enough, make sure that what you're giving your child is from you.
I want my little girl to know that when somebody needs help, you should give it to them if you can. I want her to know how to forgive people for their mistakes or faults. I want her to genuinely care for everyone in the world, simply because she wants it to be a better world. All the things I had scoffed at for longer than I'd care to admit, are the things I pray my daughter gets above all else... Call our beliefs naive, archaic, unrealistic... whatever you'd like to call them, but they're still our beliefs, and we feel that they're helping to shape her into a better adult, a better human being. We're confident of that.
Are you that confident?
Ask yourself. And then answer yourself. It doesn't matter what those beliefs are. As long as you can say without a doubt that your beliefs are making your child a better human being, that's what counts. Are you forcing anything on your child? I will tell you without a blink that you're not. I would say you're RAISING THEM. Bravo Mom and Dad... Bravo.
Until next time.
*FOR ANYONE OFFENDED BY RELIGIOUS DISCUSSIONS, STOP READING HERE*
A very close friend of ours once told us a very enlightening story about taking her daughter to church. She was asked at one point WHY she was taking her daughter to church, as if she were forcing her daughter to do something she didn't want to do. Now, this was when her daughter was very young, probably close to my daughter's age. So she answered that her daughter was going to develop values and ideals and morals, the only question was where they'd be coming from. Her friends? TV? Her idea was that as her mother, she had her best interests in mind and therefore, HER beliefs and ideals would be the first ones into her daughter's brain, not anyone else's. This is paraphrased because I can't remember her exact words. What a brilliant theory.
My wife and I have come a long way in a short time as far as faith is concerned. That's another story. The point here is that we believe in God, and we believe Jesus died for our sins. We believe in what the Bible teaches, and what Christianity stands for and teaches. Therefore, that's what WE choose to teach our daughter. She's our child, our legacy, our crowning achievement, and we want her to have something solid to turn to when she's faced with a moral challenge. She goes to church with us on Sundays, and participates in Sunday school, and participates in a church club as well. The values they represent match our own hopes for her. Are we forcing our will upon her? I've asked myself the question a thousand times. The conclusion I always come to is NO. She's 3 years old, and we have to look at what she's learning from us and from the places WE get our knowledge. The Bible, the church, and God himself. The teachings: Love, peace, faith, forgiveness, fellowship, devotion and a long list of other things. If that's what she's getting from it, does that make us bad parents for teaching those things, and letting her take part in programs and activities that support those things? I think not.
Children learn more from their parents than they do from anywhere else. So the real question then, is what do you want to be feeding your child's brain and heart? What ingredients are going into the "meals" you make everyday? Can your child forgive a person for a mistake? Can they love a person even though they've made those mistakes? Above all else, whatever you want your children to know, make damn sure of one thing: THAT IT COMES FROM YOU. We as parents have been handed a huge responsibility. We are in charge of shaping a human being. We're given the opportunity to look at ourselves, see what we like most, and what we dislike most, pick out the good parts, throw them in a bowl, mix them up and bake them into a human being. We all have qualities we don't like about ourselves. When we have children, we have an opportunity to leave those out of the recipe. It's an opportunity, or even an excuse, to correct those things about yourself, so they don't become baked into your child. That being said, I can't repeat enough, make sure that what you're giving your child is from you.
I want my little girl to know that when somebody needs help, you should give it to them if you can. I want her to know how to forgive people for their mistakes or faults. I want her to genuinely care for everyone in the world, simply because she wants it to be a better world. All the things I had scoffed at for longer than I'd care to admit, are the things I pray my daughter gets above all else... Call our beliefs naive, archaic, unrealistic... whatever you'd like to call them, but they're still our beliefs, and we feel that they're helping to shape her into a better adult, a better human being. We're confident of that.
Are you that confident?
Ask yourself. And then answer yourself. It doesn't matter what those beliefs are. As long as you can say without a doubt that your beliefs are making your child a better human being, that's what counts. Are you forcing anything on your child? I will tell you without a blink that you're not. I would say you're RAISING THEM. Bravo Mom and Dad... Bravo.
Until next time.
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