Funny Quotes From Our Toddler

This post is going to be a fun one. I have always loved that show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things", and I've been trying to compile a good list of things my daughter, and other kids, have said to me, or around me or my wife. Just for laughs. This is a pretty funny list, I think you'll enjoy it. So sit back on this nice relaxing Friday, and enjoy some hilarious quotes from the kids, and even a couple where we the parents get owned by our kids' own simplistic thought patterns.

1. Over the last year or so, my daughter has started to develop a better sense of modesty. She wants her privacy while using the restroom. Well, since the potty seat was digested by the dog, she just sits on the actual seat, and holds herself up. Therefore, I or my wife will hang by with her to make sure she doesn't take a dip unexpectedly. So while this is all going on, she says to me, "Daddy, don't look!! Turn around!" So I playfully gawk while she's sitting there, and she then spits this out: "DADDY!! Don't look!! If you look, the pee is gonna come outta my butt and go on your head!!" Now... maybe some of you have experience with this particular logic, but I for one was utterly flabbergasted... how do you come back from that? There is no good comeback. "Ok baby... sounds legit to me..." *Daddy turns around, scratching head*
2. Recently, I decided to cut my hair, after letting it grow for about 2 years. Well, I told my daughter I was going to do it and asked if she was ok with it, and ready for it. She asked a few standard questions like why, how and all that. But then she really stumped me and said, "So... are you gonna look like a ladybug or somethin'?" After I was able to ingest about 6 muscle relaxers to ease the pain in my now sore-from-laughing abs (joking, I don't take muscle relaxers, haha), I said, "No baby, I'm just gonna have less hair." I cracked up. Probably my favorite hair-cutting story ever.
3. My wife watches a friends daughter a few days a week. The girl is right around my daughter's age, maybe 6 months younger or so. Well, she comes over one day, and it was somewhere close to Christmas if I remember right. My wife is talking to her, and a series of hilarious responses follow. My wife had been working on birthdays with the girls, teaching them their birthdays, and seeing if they could remember them. My wife says, "When is your birthday?" The response: "Monster." She had just told her when her birthday was, haha. *Facepalm*.
4. This same girl, I want to say in the same day, had yet another awesome comeback to a question. I forget the actual beginning conversation, but somehow or other, the little girl decided to get my wife a present. "I'm going to buy you a white candle that smells like two!" *facepalm*.
5. Every night, me and my daughter get to have a few minutes of story time before she goes to sleep. I'll lay down next her, snuggle up and we'll read. At the time, we were reading her "Child's First Bible". We reached what I can guess is about the book of Luke, where Jesus had just healed a group of men. So my daughter says, "I love Jesus." What a fantastic thing for me to hear from her. "Well, that's good baby, I'm glad you feel that way." So she comes back with, "Yeah. I love God too." Now I'm feelin' pretty good, she's actually getting something out of this Bible, even though it's super abridged and VERY simple, and then she continues, "...and Mickey Mouse, and Donald Duck..." *Facepalm* "That's good baby, I'm glad you love so many people, just remember that God is a little bit different than Mickey and Donald." hahaha.
6. Last night was one of the best I've heard from her. We're sitting in the car eating Del Taco with our friends after AWANA. I'm having a taco, and I say to the group, "I hate when the paper gets all wrinkly, because it feels just like the tortilla, and when it's dark I end up being like, 'Uh oh, what am I biting in to?'"  Well, my daughter took that as a question... a question she felt obliged to answer. And in a very matter-of-fact tone says, "*sigh* a TACO daddy." -_- Well... can't argue with that... score one for the toddler...
7. This morning while I was getting ready for work was probably my next favorite, tied with the one above. My wife asks my daughter what she'd like to drink to take with her to drop me off at work. My daughter says milk, which is great, since one of the things she's been so picky about lately was milk with no strawberry or chocolate in it (see previous post). She also specifies she wants it in her big princess jug. So my wife says, "Well, baby, the princess jug has water in it, I can't use that one." My daughter assumes the matter-of-fact tone again and says, "Well just dump the water out mommy." I look at my wife... she looks at me... and we share the same look: score ANOTHER for the toddler... *facepalm*
8. A while ago, I decided to have a little daddy daughter time and take the kid out for ice cream. So after we had eaten dinner and whatnot, I said, "Ok kiddo, let's put shoes and socks on and we can go have ice cream!" She was sitting in her chair at the time, crosslegged. So she lifts up her leg to show me her foot and quite sarcastically says, "Does this look like shoes to you?!"... *facepalm* After laughing hysterically, I remind her that I told her she NEEDS shoes and socks. To which she says, "Oh". Brilliant, hahaha.
9. Another repeating favorite of mine, is that anytime she says she's done something already, it always happened "last year, when I was a baby." This applies to anything that happen prior to the second she replied to my question. It could be two days ago, five minutes ago, or even the task she was performing right when I asked her... doesn't matter, it all happened last year when she was a baby...
10. A more embarrassing episode occurred in the store. (you can see where this is going...) We were walking into the store, and if I remember right, we passed by a rather heavy-set man coming out. My daughter taps me and says, "Daddy, look at that BIG man." Don't worry, my wife and I recovered from the whiplash we suffered when we jerked our heads around to glare at her... *facepalm*
11. My daughter is also a human fart detector. If a fart is let go, she immediately jerks her head to look at the person who did it (usually me... ok, always me) and then I kind of snicker at her, at which point she quickly points to my wife and snickers some more... I hope she's a lawyer when she grows up, she can represent me any day, haha.

Well, those are some of the best of her infamous quotes I can remember, but don't worry, I'm sure there's going to be more than one of these posts, as kids are almost never silent, haha. I hope you enjoy reading this as much I as enjoyed writing it, and I would love to hear your stories as well, if you'd care to share. Feel free to do so on Facebook, I post these to my personal profile as well, that'll save you from having to sign up for a membership just to comment.

So I'll be seeing you next time, I hope you enjoy this post, and have a wonderful weekend!