Ok, I've been struggling with finding the right words for this post for quite some time. I've never been one to give much consideration to other peoples' feelings when it comes to my life choices, but considering everything that's happened in the last year or so, I think it's about time for me to clear up a few things.
Over recent months you've probably seen me making religious references, posts and the like (if you're friends with me on Facebook). If you've known me for any real amount of time, this would seem pretty out of color to you. If I remember right, I was asked if my profile had been hacked. No, dear friends, fret not, my profile is still in MY possession. So why all these posts then? "What happened?" you're probably asking yourself. Allow me to clarify.
When I was a kid, I wasn't ever really exposed to any sort of religion. Not enough to be able to formulate any kind of mature opinion about it anyway. So when I was a teenager and started coming up with my own thoughts and speculations, I started being more aware of the spiritual side of life, and the people that came with it. From the get-go, what I was faced with wasn't very pretty. The Christians I had met were a pretty judgmental lot, and from that point on I received a few different responses from them when talking to them. The conversation would swing to religion, as is commonplace for Christians, and when I would share that I really didn't KNOW if God existed, I was immediately met with a couple standard responses: "You're a sinner, and that's bad, you need to repent and change." Which I took as, "You're not good enough for God the way you are, and you're not good enough to be around us, so change or go away". Another response, "You're a sinner, you're going to hell, it's too late for you." that one pretty much speaks for itself.
So you can see how I would develop a pretty stained view of religion. These people are given so many rules and regulations (of which I didn't really know anything about), and THESE are those rules? To judge me? Hate me? Even FEAR me? Huh... well, no use looking into THAT, they don't want me, I don't want them. That was my standpoint from then on. EVERY Christian I had encountered was like that. EVERY Christian I saw in the media appeared that way, using the Bible as a weapon and faith as a shield. And I wondered, if God was so good and grand and loving and compassionate like everyone is trying to tell me, how is it that THESE are his representatives?
The turning point? One family. One group of people who lived by their beliefs. A guy came to work at my place of employment. Regular Joe, friendly, but quiet, ruggedly handsome (haha, Yes Paul I gave you a gratuitous compliment to make you feel good!). Nothing out of the ordinary. After he'd worked there a while and hadn't seemed to really grab onto anybody in the office I thought, "Huh, I oughta hang out with this guy a little and see what he's about." What would I have to lose? It all works out, I get a free friend out of it. So upon talking with him he shares that he's a Christian. "here it comes..." I say to myself. But no, nothing pushy, preachy, angry, hateful or judgmental... just pleasant conversation. Even when I say that religion really isn't my thing, nothing. Mind = blown.
So I continue to spend time with Paul, which expands into hanging out with him and his family (which is quite large)... every single one of them, the same thing. Not a single judgmental comment or insinuation. Over the course of time, we became pretty much assimilated into that family. My wife and I and our daughter were just another set of kids to them. The puzzler here? We were made a part of this family JUST AS WE WERE! So my wife and I have the discussion about it. We had finally met a group of Christians who hadn't jumped into our path to try and save our souls, or simply tell us that we're lost. Maybe God is out there? Maybe THIS, love, is what it's about?
That moment, when our minds were open just a sliver was the pivotal moment in this entire journey. We were invited to spend Christmas Eve with their whole family. A huge endeavor and a grand sight to behold. A mountain of presents, not a frowny face on a single child, it's awesome. But there was one moment, one gift that changed our entire outlook, and threw open the doors of my mind (which I might add are very elegant french doors with beautiful gold trim and... oh ummm, ok back on track), allowing the entire message to hit me full force. I unwrap a present that's from the entire family, to MY family. Inside the paper was something I never expected. A Bible. A family Bible. Now, formerly, I probably would've taken that the same way a woman takes getting a vacuum cleaner from her husband for Christmas: "Time to clean up!". But it only served to open my mind even more when I read the letter that accompanied it. It's a very personal heartfelt letter, so I won't share all of it, but I will give you the cliff notes. In short, it was a huge part of their lives, and we've become so special to them that they wanted to share that, even if we didn't read it.
Now my wife and I have a big discussion about it. All our lives we'd been shunned and judged by people of faith, supposedly in the name of God. But now, we've been shown firsthand what He truly wants and commands. We had been denied the knowledge by ourselves and it was time to allow ourselves to find it. We started reading on our own, asking questions now that we had people willing to answer them, and we started going to Hilltop Community Church, where we have been welcomed openly and lovingly by everyone. We've learned so much in such a short time just by being ALLOWED to. It's changed our perspective on life and people. It worked for us, and it IS working for us. THESE are the ideals I want my daughter to grow up with. The things I want her to learn and practice. Values that I had ignored out of anger and ignorance that are so important.
I hope that those of you not religiously inclined aren't offended or insulted by this post. I just felt that some of you might be confused by my recent behavior, and this would be the prime opportunity to jump ship if you don't feel like it's something you can tolerate. If you can't, I respect your point of view, because I'm sure I shared it at some point in my life.
What I hope you will take away from this post is that if you've encountered the people from the first half of my post, don't make the mistake I made and consider that the norm. Look for yourself, don't let them be the ones to give you the answers. The example they're living by is false, and is not the example God had in mind when he sent Jesus to us. I hope everyone can get something from this post, and be able to give faith, and ANYTHING a second look before walking away. If any of you have questions, or just feel like venting at me, feel free.
I'd like to say a special thank you to the Schnorbus Family (Frank Sr., Robin, Paul, Steph, Sharon, Frankie, Penny, Sam, Ken and Kristen) for all their love, acceptance and guidance.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Perception... or reality?
Well, it's been a little while since I posted, so I figured it was about time. Life has been crazy, busy, hectic and yet amazingly fulfilling and rewarding. Ultimately, I haven't had the time nor energy to devote to coming up with a topic and then spewing it out onto this page. But over the last couple weeks, my wife and I have been faced with a situation that has presented itself multiple times, in a couple different manifestations, and it's been weighing heavily on us, as we aren't terribly sure how to approach it.
As parents, we tend to be pretty blind when it comes to how to raise children. We obviously have some very different beliefs from everyone else. In other words, every parent has a different idea of how to raise their child. That can cause us to view another family's idea of parenting in a negative way, depending on the situation. So, at what point are we being too self righteous? When do we cross over into the "holier-than-thou" category? And on the flip side, when are those feelings justified?
Here's the breakdown of the situations. We know a couple families that we've been inclined to be concerned for. Both will insist that they are awesome parents, and that they're doing their best, and that they're doing everything in the best interest of their kids. To summarize, we have a hard time believing it, based on things that have taken place. Without going into too much detail, it doesn't seem like they're making all the necessary precautions for their child's safety and wellbeing. A child shouldn't be exposed to drugs or paraphernalia, it should not be accessible to them, and drugs should not be USED while they can be exposed to the effects. By inviting people with continuous, extensive criminal behavior into your house, you're putting your child at risk. Personally... I'm not willing to take that risk.
In addition to just plain and simple DANGER being a part of a child's life, how are they being interacted with at home? In both cases, these parents are also claiming to be attentive, loving parents. Again, we have a hard time seeing it, based on the way the children interact with others, and on some occasions, the behavior at home has been observed. The child will want to ask a question, and is shushed and shooed way. Or, the child is just not SPOKEN to at home. And by that I mean, the parents don't sit down and just talk to them or have conversation with them, or play with them. The conversation goes as far as "Daddy, I have to go potty", "Ok, go ahead and go"... and that's it. Or, "Here, play with this" and then it's on to whatever they were doing before they were "interrupted" by the kids.
As you may be able to tell, I'm a little perturbed about both of these situations. We're left with a few options, none of which are favorable at all: 1.) Do nothing, let the child grow up in that situation and suffer for it later, 2.) Approach the parents and end the friendship entirely, as the parents don't see themselves doing anything wrong, 3.) Approach the authorities and let them handle it. Not a very promising list of outcomes when you fast forward through any of the options... I've prayed about this for a while over the last few weeks, since it really started bothering me, and I just haven't been given the answer yet. Which is why that's the point of this post. This isn't a post designed to give you advice, it's more of a request for advice... When faced with only these options, none of which will have a happy or constructive outcome for EVERYONE, what do you do?
And furthermore, are we bad people for feeling like THEY aren't doing their best as parents? Are they bad parents, or are we just overstepping our moral bounds?
Input is very much welcome on this one guys, we want to know what you think. Give us a hand.
As parents, we tend to be pretty blind when it comes to how to raise children. We obviously have some very different beliefs from everyone else. In other words, every parent has a different idea of how to raise their child. That can cause us to view another family's idea of parenting in a negative way, depending on the situation. So, at what point are we being too self righteous? When do we cross over into the "holier-than-thou" category? And on the flip side, when are those feelings justified?
Here's the breakdown of the situations. We know a couple families that we've been inclined to be concerned for. Both will insist that they are awesome parents, and that they're doing their best, and that they're doing everything in the best interest of their kids. To summarize, we have a hard time believing it, based on things that have taken place. Without going into too much detail, it doesn't seem like they're making all the necessary precautions for their child's safety and wellbeing. A child shouldn't be exposed to drugs or paraphernalia, it should not be accessible to them, and drugs should not be USED while they can be exposed to the effects. By inviting people with continuous, extensive criminal behavior into your house, you're putting your child at risk. Personally... I'm not willing to take that risk.
In addition to just plain and simple DANGER being a part of a child's life, how are they being interacted with at home? In both cases, these parents are also claiming to be attentive, loving parents. Again, we have a hard time seeing it, based on the way the children interact with others, and on some occasions, the behavior at home has been observed. The child will want to ask a question, and is shushed and shooed way. Or, the child is just not SPOKEN to at home. And by that I mean, the parents don't sit down and just talk to them or have conversation with them, or play with them. The conversation goes as far as "Daddy, I have to go potty", "Ok, go ahead and go"... and that's it. Or, "Here, play with this" and then it's on to whatever they were doing before they were "interrupted" by the kids.
As you may be able to tell, I'm a little perturbed about both of these situations. We're left with a few options, none of which are favorable at all: 1.) Do nothing, let the child grow up in that situation and suffer for it later, 2.) Approach the parents and end the friendship entirely, as the parents don't see themselves doing anything wrong, 3.) Approach the authorities and let them handle it. Not a very promising list of outcomes when you fast forward through any of the options... I've prayed about this for a while over the last few weeks, since it really started bothering me, and I just haven't been given the answer yet. Which is why that's the point of this post. This isn't a post designed to give you advice, it's more of a request for advice... When faced with only these options, none of which will have a happy or constructive outcome for EVERYONE, what do you do?
And furthermore, are we bad people for feeling like THEY aren't doing their best as parents? Are they bad parents, or are we just overstepping our moral bounds?
Input is very much welcome on this one guys, we want to know what you think. Give us a hand.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Read The Ingredients
Well, it's been a while since I posted, so I figured it was about time for another one. Reading the title, you would probably guess this is going to be a post about what I feed my kid, or what things she's not allowed to eat... and you'd be wrong. This discussion is deeper than that. It's about faith and beliefs. I'd like to examine the ingredients in the "mental meals" we prepare for our children. Are they healthy? Will they make your little boy or girl grow up big and strong? Here's hoping.
A very close friend of ours once told us a very enlightening story about taking her daughter to church. She was asked at one point WHY she was taking her daughter to church, as if she were forcing her daughter to do something she didn't want to do. Now, this was when her daughter was very young, probably close to my daughter's age. So she answered that her daughter was going to develop values and ideals and morals, the only question was where they'd be coming from. Her friends? TV? Her idea was that as her mother, she had her best interests in mind and therefore, HER beliefs and ideals would be the first ones into her daughter's brain, not anyone else's. This is paraphrased because I can't remember her exact words. What a brilliant theory.
My wife and I have come a long way in a short time as far as faith is concerned. That's another story. The point here is that we believe in God, and we believe Jesus died for our sins. We believe in what the Bible teaches, and what Christianity stands for and teaches. Therefore, that's what WE choose to teach our daughter. She's our child, our legacy, our crowning achievement, and we want her to have something solid to turn to when she's faced with a moral challenge. She goes to church with us on Sundays, and participates in Sunday school, and participates in a church club as well. The values they represent match our own hopes for her. Are we forcing our will upon her? I've asked myself the question a thousand times. The conclusion I always come to is NO. She's 3 years old, and we have to look at what she's learning from us and from the places WE get our knowledge. The Bible, the church, and God himself. The teachings: Love, peace, faith, forgiveness, fellowship, devotion and a long list of other things. If that's what she's getting from it, does that make us bad parents for teaching those things, and letting her take part in programs and activities that support those things? I think not.
Children learn more from their parents than they do from anywhere else. So the real question then, is what do you want to be feeding your child's brain and heart? What ingredients are going into the "meals" you make everyday? Can your child forgive a person for a mistake? Can they love a person even though they've made those mistakes? Above all else, whatever you want your children to know, make damn sure of one thing: THAT IT COMES FROM YOU. We as parents have been handed a huge responsibility. We are in charge of shaping a human being. We're given the opportunity to look at ourselves, see what we like most, and what we dislike most, pick out the good parts, throw them in a bowl, mix them up and bake them into a human being. We all have qualities we don't like about ourselves. When we have children, we have an opportunity to leave those out of the recipe. It's an opportunity, or even an excuse, to correct those things about yourself, so they don't become baked into your child. That being said, I can't repeat enough, make sure that what you're giving your child is from you.
I want my little girl to know that when somebody needs help, you should give it to them if you can. I want her to know how to forgive people for their mistakes or faults. I want her to genuinely care for everyone in the world, simply because she wants it to be a better world. All the things I had scoffed at for longer than I'd care to admit, are the things I pray my daughter gets above all else... Call our beliefs naive, archaic, unrealistic... whatever you'd like to call them, but they're still our beliefs, and we feel that they're helping to shape her into a better adult, a better human being. We're confident of that.
Are you that confident?
Ask yourself. And then answer yourself. It doesn't matter what those beliefs are. As long as you can say without a doubt that your beliefs are making your child a better human being, that's what counts. Are you forcing anything on your child? I will tell you without a blink that you're not. I would say you're RAISING THEM. Bravo Mom and Dad... Bravo.
Until next time.
*FOR ANYONE OFFENDED BY RELIGIOUS DISCUSSIONS, STOP READING HERE*
A very close friend of ours once told us a very enlightening story about taking her daughter to church. She was asked at one point WHY she was taking her daughter to church, as if she were forcing her daughter to do something she didn't want to do. Now, this was when her daughter was very young, probably close to my daughter's age. So she answered that her daughter was going to develop values and ideals and morals, the only question was where they'd be coming from. Her friends? TV? Her idea was that as her mother, she had her best interests in mind and therefore, HER beliefs and ideals would be the first ones into her daughter's brain, not anyone else's. This is paraphrased because I can't remember her exact words. What a brilliant theory.
My wife and I have come a long way in a short time as far as faith is concerned. That's another story. The point here is that we believe in God, and we believe Jesus died for our sins. We believe in what the Bible teaches, and what Christianity stands for and teaches. Therefore, that's what WE choose to teach our daughter. She's our child, our legacy, our crowning achievement, and we want her to have something solid to turn to when she's faced with a moral challenge. She goes to church with us on Sundays, and participates in Sunday school, and participates in a church club as well. The values they represent match our own hopes for her. Are we forcing our will upon her? I've asked myself the question a thousand times. The conclusion I always come to is NO. She's 3 years old, and we have to look at what she's learning from us and from the places WE get our knowledge. The Bible, the church, and God himself. The teachings: Love, peace, faith, forgiveness, fellowship, devotion and a long list of other things. If that's what she's getting from it, does that make us bad parents for teaching those things, and letting her take part in programs and activities that support those things? I think not.
Children learn more from their parents than they do from anywhere else. So the real question then, is what do you want to be feeding your child's brain and heart? What ingredients are going into the "meals" you make everyday? Can your child forgive a person for a mistake? Can they love a person even though they've made those mistakes? Above all else, whatever you want your children to know, make damn sure of one thing: THAT IT COMES FROM YOU. We as parents have been handed a huge responsibility. We are in charge of shaping a human being. We're given the opportunity to look at ourselves, see what we like most, and what we dislike most, pick out the good parts, throw them in a bowl, mix them up and bake them into a human being. We all have qualities we don't like about ourselves. When we have children, we have an opportunity to leave those out of the recipe. It's an opportunity, or even an excuse, to correct those things about yourself, so they don't become baked into your child. That being said, I can't repeat enough, make sure that what you're giving your child is from you.
I want my little girl to know that when somebody needs help, you should give it to them if you can. I want her to know how to forgive people for their mistakes or faults. I want her to genuinely care for everyone in the world, simply because she wants it to be a better world. All the things I had scoffed at for longer than I'd care to admit, are the things I pray my daughter gets above all else... Call our beliefs naive, archaic, unrealistic... whatever you'd like to call them, but they're still our beliefs, and we feel that they're helping to shape her into a better adult, a better human being. We're confident of that.
Are you that confident?
Ask yourself. And then answer yourself. It doesn't matter what those beliefs are. As long as you can say without a doubt that your beliefs are making your child a better human being, that's what counts. Are you forcing anything on your child? I will tell you without a blink that you're not. I would say you're RAISING THEM. Bravo Mom and Dad... Bravo.
Until next time.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Funny Quotes From Our Toddler
This post is going to be a fun one. I have always loved that show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things", and I've been trying to compile a good list of things my daughter, and other kids, have said to me, or around me or my wife. Just for laughs. This is a pretty funny list, I think you'll enjoy it. So sit back on this nice relaxing Friday, and enjoy some hilarious quotes from the kids, and even a couple where we the parents get owned by our kids' own simplistic thought patterns.
So I'll be seeing you next time, I hope you enjoy this post, and have a wonderful weekend!
- Over the last year or so, my daughter has started to develop a better sense of modesty. She wants her privacy while using the restroom. Well, since the potty seat was digested by the dog, she just sits on the actual seat, and holds herself up. Therefore, I or my wife will hang by with her to make sure she doesn't take a dip unexpectedly. So while this is all going on, she says to me, "Daddy, don't look!! Turn around!" So I playfully gawk while she's sitting there, and she then spits this out: "DADDY!! Don't look!! If you look, the pee is gonna come outta my butt and go on your head!!" Now... maybe some of you have experience with this particular logic, but I for one was utterly flabbergasted... how do you come back from that? There is no good comeback. "Ok baby... sounds legit to me..." *Daddy turns around, scratching head*
- Recently, I decided to cut my hair, after letting it grow for about 2 years. Well, I told my daughter I was going to do it and asked if she was ok with it, and ready for it. She asked a few standard questions like why, how and all that. But then she really stumped me and said, "So... are you gonna look like a ladybug or somethin'?" After I was able to ingest about 6 muscle relaxers to ease the pain in my now sore-from-laughing abs (joking, I don't take muscle relaxers, haha), I said, "No baby, I'm just gonna have less hair." I cracked up. Probably my favorite hair-cutting story ever.
- My wife watches a friends daughter a few days a week. The girl is right around my daughter's age, maybe 6 months younger or so. Well, she comes over one day, and it was somewhere close to Christmas if I remember right. My wife is talking to her, and a series of hilarious responses follow. My wife had been working on birthdays with the girls, teaching them their birthdays, and seeing if they could remember them. My wife says, "When is your birthday?" The response: "Monster." She had just told her when her birthday was, haha. *Facepalm*.
- This same girl, I want to say in the same day, had yet another awesome comeback to a question. I forget the actual beginning conversation, but somehow or other, the little girl decided to get my wife a present. "I'm going to buy you a white candle that smells like two!" *facepalm*.
- Every night, me and my daughter get to have a few minutes of story time before she goes to sleep. I'll lay down next her, snuggle up and we'll read. At the time, we were reading her "Child's First Bible". We reached what I can guess is about the book of Luke, where Jesus had just healed a group of men. So my daughter says, "I love Jesus." What a fantastic thing for me to hear from her. "Well, that's good baby, I'm glad you feel that way." So she comes back with, "Yeah. I love God too." Now I'm feelin' pretty good, she's actually getting something out of this Bible, even though it's super abridged and VERY simple, and then she continues, "...and Mickey Mouse, and Donald Duck..." *Facepalm* "That's good baby, I'm glad you love so many people, just remember that God is a little bit different than Mickey and Donald." hahaha.
- Last night was one of the best I've heard from her. We're sitting in the car eating Del Taco with our friends after AWANA. I'm having a taco, and I say to the group, "I hate when the paper gets all wrinkly, because it feels just like the tortilla, and when it's dark I end up being like, 'Uh oh, what am I biting in to?'" Well, my daughter took that as a question... a question she felt obliged to answer. And in a very matter-of-fact tone says, "*sigh* a TACO daddy." -_- Well... can't argue with that... score one for the toddler...
- This morning while I was getting ready for work was probably my next favorite, tied with the one above. My wife asks my daughter what she'd like to drink to take with her to drop me off at work. My daughter says milk, which is great, since one of the things she's been so picky about lately was milk with no strawberry or chocolate in it (see previous post). She also specifies she wants it in her big princess jug. So my wife says, "Well, baby, the princess jug has water in it, I can't use that one." My daughter assumes the matter-of-fact tone again and says, "Well just dump the water out mommy." I look at my wife... she looks at me... and we share the same look: score ANOTHER for the toddler... *facepalm*
- A while ago, I decided to have a little daddy daughter time and take the kid out for ice cream. So after we had eaten dinner and whatnot, I said, "Ok kiddo, let's put shoes and socks on and we can go have ice cream!" She was sitting in her chair at the time, crosslegged. So she lifts up her leg to show me her foot and quite sarcastically says, "Does this look like shoes to you?!"... *facepalm* After laughing hysterically, I remind her that I told her she NEEDS shoes and socks. To which she says, "Oh". Brilliant, hahaha.
- Another repeating favorite of mine, is that anytime she says she's done something already, it always happened "last year, when I was a baby." This applies to anything that happen prior to the second she replied to my question. It could be two days ago, five minutes ago, or even the task she was performing right when I asked her... doesn't matter, it all happened last year when she was a baby...
- A more embarrassing episode occurred in the store. (you can see where this is going...) We were walking into the store, and if I remember right, we passed by a rather heavy-set man coming out. My daughter taps me and says, "Daddy, look at that BIG man." Don't worry, my wife and I recovered from the whiplash we suffered when we jerked our heads around to glare at her... *facepalm*
- My daughter is also a human fart detector. If a fart is let go, she immediately jerks her head to look at the person who did it (usually me... ok, always me) and then I kind of snicker at her, at which point she quickly points to my wife and snickers some more... I hope she's a lawyer when she grows up, she can represent me any day, haha.
So I'll be seeing you next time, I hope you enjoy this post, and have a wonderful weekend!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Hell's Kitchen
Wow... what a couple weeks we've been having. Busy busy busy. Fear not, I have returned. And today's post is going to be more of a journal entry type of post than anything else.
For a few weeks now, we've been having quite the conflict with our daughter about something that's never really been an issue before: food. She's always been pretty open to trying foods, and pretty diligent when it came to eating all her food. She's never been one to pick around the vegetables and eat only a certain portion of her dinner. Well, now we've reached a bit of a road block. She suddenly likes absolutely nothing. Chicken, hamburgers, tacos, macaroni, vegetables, nothing. Doesn't want anything to do with it. Well, I want her to eat, obviously. So what do I do about this little conundrum? My parents were not as lenient as I have been. They cooked whatever they cooked, and if I didn't eat it, I was gonna be pretty hungry until I decided I better eat what was there. Which I think is perfectly fair.
Now, I have to believe that she's just testing her boundaries on this one, because I KNOW she is crazy about macaroni & cheese. She loves the stuff. We went out to lunch with a few friends recently, to Olive Garden. She orders the mac & cheese (which she affectionately refers to as "mac-e-rone"). Great, something she knows, something she'll eat. Well about a bite or two in, she decides she doesn't want anymore. Well, that's not gonna work, since she didn't have much for breakfast and she needs to eat to keep her energy up and her attitude better adjusted (gets that from me). So I make the offer of just a few more bites, and then she can share my dessert with me. Refusal. So I ask her if she'd like some of my dessert. Of course I get a positive nod. So I come back with, "Well, then I need you to have a few more bites of your mac-e-rone. Negative. Sigh...
I'm going to be honest, this whole situation has me baffled. The conversation continues with some more bargaining, and slowly but surely she begins to get more belligerent about not wanting anymore. And that's where my line is. I refuse to allow bad behavior simply because she "doesn't want to". Not on my watch thanks. So we have a talk about that next. Slowly, she comes around a little, and accepts the few more bites from me. Deal made, dessert enjoyed, mission accomplished.
It all sounds easy now right? WRONG. This battle has been waged at pretty much every meal for a while now. We have no idea where it came from, how she picked up that she doesn't like ANYTHING anymore, or why. But we're trying to be as diplomatic as possible about it, because the more we have fights about it, the more averted to mealtime in general she is going to be, and it'll be worse. I refuse to make a special meal just because she "doesn't like" what we're having. That's not the way I was raised, it's not the way my wife was raised, case closed. So the general consensus is that she will get a plate with her food on it, and eventually, she'll get hungry enough to eat. If she doesn't want to eat it, well, she's gonna be pretty hungry then. I hate this approach, I really do, because one of the most sensitive subjects in my heart is hungry children. I don't like to see ANYBODY hungry really. But I also know that if she comes to me and says she's hungry, I will have something to offer her, it just may not be what she wants.
Hopefully this whole phase will be something she can use as a lesson later on life. I honestly believe it's a testing of boundaries, and that it'll pass. She just has to have those boundaries established so she can get it out of her system. Toddlers are tons of fun, but sometimes the struggles can be overwhelming.
Overall, I'd like to say to other parents out there, that if you're going through the same struggle, God be with you, haha. And if you haven't gone through it yet, I hope you fare well in your battles. This situation is a definite test of a parent's patience, and it's not always easy.
P.S. For all of you who thought I had the most easy going daughter in the world and just got your mental picture shattered... sorry, hahaha.
See you next time!
For a few weeks now, we've been having quite the conflict with our daughter about something that's never really been an issue before: food. She's always been pretty open to trying foods, and pretty diligent when it came to eating all her food. She's never been one to pick around the vegetables and eat only a certain portion of her dinner. Well, now we've reached a bit of a road block. She suddenly likes absolutely nothing. Chicken, hamburgers, tacos, macaroni, vegetables, nothing. Doesn't want anything to do with it. Well, I want her to eat, obviously. So what do I do about this little conundrum? My parents were not as lenient as I have been. They cooked whatever they cooked, and if I didn't eat it, I was gonna be pretty hungry until I decided I better eat what was there. Which I think is perfectly fair.
Now, I have to believe that she's just testing her boundaries on this one, because I KNOW she is crazy about macaroni & cheese. She loves the stuff. We went out to lunch with a few friends recently, to Olive Garden. She orders the mac & cheese (which she affectionately refers to as "mac-e-rone"). Great, something she knows, something she'll eat. Well about a bite or two in, she decides she doesn't want anymore. Well, that's not gonna work, since she didn't have much for breakfast and she needs to eat to keep her energy up and her attitude better adjusted (gets that from me). So I make the offer of just a few more bites, and then she can share my dessert with me. Refusal. So I ask her if she'd like some of my dessert. Of course I get a positive nod. So I come back with, "Well, then I need you to have a few more bites of your mac-e-rone. Negative. Sigh...
I'm going to be honest, this whole situation has me baffled. The conversation continues with some more bargaining, and slowly but surely she begins to get more belligerent about not wanting anymore. And that's where my line is. I refuse to allow bad behavior simply because she "doesn't want to". Not on my watch thanks. So we have a talk about that next. Slowly, she comes around a little, and accepts the few more bites from me. Deal made, dessert enjoyed, mission accomplished.
It all sounds easy now right? WRONG. This battle has been waged at pretty much every meal for a while now. We have no idea where it came from, how she picked up that she doesn't like ANYTHING anymore, or why. But we're trying to be as diplomatic as possible about it, because the more we have fights about it, the more averted to mealtime in general she is going to be, and it'll be worse. I refuse to make a special meal just because she "doesn't like" what we're having. That's not the way I was raised, it's not the way my wife was raised, case closed. So the general consensus is that she will get a plate with her food on it, and eventually, she'll get hungry enough to eat. If she doesn't want to eat it, well, she's gonna be pretty hungry then. I hate this approach, I really do, because one of the most sensitive subjects in my heart is hungry children. I don't like to see ANYBODY hungry really. But I also know that if she comes to me and says she's hungry, I will have something to offer her, it just may not be what she wants.
Hopefully this whole phase will be something she can use as a lesson later on life. I honestly believe it's a testing of boundaries, and that it'll pass. She just has to have those boundaries established so she can get it out of her system. Toddlers are tons of fun, but sometimes the struggles can be overwhelming.
Overall, I'd like to say to other parents out there, that if you're going through the same struggle, God be with you, haha. And if you haven't gone through it yet, I hope you fare well in your battles. This situation is a definite test of a parent's patience, and it's not always easy.
P.S. For all of you who thought I had the most easy going daughter in the world and just got your mental picture shattered... sorry, hahaha.
See you next time!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Daddy VS... Hollywood???
Yes that's right, I'm taking on Hollywood for this one. This will be a similar post to Daddy VS Disney, but will be more general, referencing only TYPES of movies and using a few examples, as opposed to a whole line of movies.
So let's start with a few questions: What types of movies will you let your child watch? What's ok? What isn't? How do you determine if they are or aren't? I've heard these questions answered in so many different ways
Here's a few examples of my and my wife's philosophy on this.
We've been pretty lenient about movies with our daughter. I know of people who strongly censor what their kids see. That's fine, to each their own, but for me it's just not something I worry that much about, at least not to an extreme level. For example, Disney movies, yeah those are pretty much universal. I don't see anything wrong with those. But what about a movie like Wolfman? The new one, with Benicio Del Toro. Is that ok? Let's break it down: It's a scary movie, the werewolf was very well done. Probably scary for a little kid. It's got some gore in it, the werewolf kinda lets a few people have it. However, there is no swearing beyond "damned" or "hell". There aren't any sexual references. And there is no nudity. Would you let your children watch it? Want to hear something funny? My daughter REQUESTS this one... a time or two a month at minimum. I'm perfectly ok with her watching it. Why? Because rather than try and EXPLAIN to her that things are make-believe, she can see it for herself. If she starts to get a little scared, I just pull her up on my lap, and explain to her that it's just a man in a costume and a few tricks with a computer.
The entire Harry Potter collection is the same rule, though not much about that series scares her. The Marvel movies that have been coming out (Iron Man, X-Men, Spiderman, etc) are the same. However, movies with really strong language in them, we're probably not going to let her watch them. Movies with sex scenes or nudity, same deal. The thing about that though, is we aren't really the type of people to watch movies that contain excessive amounts of those things anyway, but there are a few movies where there's a boob flash, or where they use really profane language, that we still like. Not many, mind you, but still...
So how do you regulate that? How do you decide if the movie is ok or not? I don't know... I would actually like to hear your thoughts. As with any question posed on this blogged it's all a matter of personal perspective. I don't think Wolfman is a bad movie for my daughter to watch, but I'm sure somebody who reads this will disagree. That's their choice, because they raise their kids differently. I'm only offering my perspective. Let's hear yours.
See you next time!
So let's start with a few questions: What types of movies will you let your child watch? What's ok? What isn't? How do you determine if they are or aren't? I've heard these questions answered in so many different ways
Here's a few examples of my and my wife's philosophy on this.
We've been pretty lenient about movies with our daughter. I know of people who strongly censor what their kids see. That's fine, to each their own, but for me it's just not something I worry that much about, at least not to an extreme level. For example, Disney movies, yeah those are pretty much universal. I don't see anything wrong with those. But what about a movie like Wolfman? The new one, with Benicio Del Toro. Is that ok? Let's break it down: It's a scary movie, the werewolf was very well done. Probably scary for a little kid. It's got some gore in it, the werewolf kinda lets a few people have it. However, there is no swearing beyond "damned" or "hell". There aren't any sexual references. And there is no nudity. Would you let your children watch it? Want to hear something funny? My daughter REQUESTS this one... a time or two a month at minimum. I'm perfectly ok with her watching it. Why? Because rather than try and EXPLAIN to her that things are make-believe, she can see it for herself. If she starts to get a little scared, I just pull her up on my lap, and explain to her that it's just a man in a costume and a few tricks with a computer.
The entire Harry Potter collection is the same rule, though not much about that series scares her. The Marvel movies that have been coming out (Iron Man, X-Men, Spiderman, etc) are the same. However, movies with really strong language in them, we're probably not going to let her watch them. Movies with sex scenes or nudity, same deal. The thing about that though, is we aren't really the type of people to watch movies that contain excessive amounts of those things anyway, but there are a few movies where there's a boob flash, or where they use really profane language, that we still like. Not many, mind you, but still...
So how do you regulate that? How do you decide if the movie is ok or not? I don't know... I would actually like to hear your thoughts. As with any question posed on this blogged it's all a matter of personal perspective. I don't think Wolfman is a bad movie for my daughter to watch, but I'm sure somebody who reads this will disagree. That's their choice, because they raise their kids differently. I'm only offering my perspective. Let's hear yours.
See you next time!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Due Process
Okeedokee everybody, get out your torches and pitchforks, cuz this one's gonna be a doozy. Today, I'm going to offer my personal perspective on... drum roll please...
DISCIPLINE!!!
Yes folks, you read that right, I'll be throwing myself into the line of fire on this one and giving my perspective on one of the most heavily debated subjects of parenting.
So, first of all, this one might take some involvement on your part. Nothing public, just for your own use. So the first thing I want you to do is ask yourself a question. "Were my parents "good" parents?" Pretty simple yes or no question. When you have your answer, ask yourself the following question: "Why?"
Some common answers would probably be: They loved me more than themselves, they always provided for me, they set good examples for me, etc... could be anything. There are no wrong answers (with a possible exception being, "my mom's hair was always perfect"). Just keep those ideas in mind for this topic.
The common theme with a lot of sites I frequent is that spanking or physically disciplining your children is utterly wrong, and under any and all circumstances, makes you a bad parent. They make no bones about it. So let's go ahead and start there, might as well kick this party off with a bang.
I was spanked as a child. Note: I said spanked, not BEATEN. If I did something severely or deliberately disrespectful or defiant, I got in trouble for it. Sometimes that could be solved with an apology, and other times it could not. Now, I wasn't a terror when I was a child, so this didn't happen all that often. I could probably count the number of spankings I received on my fingers, without repeating. Not too bad considering how long I lived with my folks. Wondering how I answered the opening question? Here goes. Yes, my parents were awesome. Not because they coddled me and because I always got everything I wanted. Because they focused on teaching me the value of appreciation for what you're given, loyalty to family, responsibility for myself and my actions, and because they never failed to show me how much they loved me, even when I was in trouble.
Many of the things I teach my daughter are things I was taught by my parents, and I'm proud to do it. Yes, I was spanked as a child. Personally, I consider myself about as well adjusted as any member of society out there today. The trials and struggles I face on a daily basis are no greater than anyone else's. I don't hate my father or mother for the discipline I received as a child, which was never more than a pop on the behind. I am grateful for it, and here's why.
The world is not a walk along a flower lined path, edged by bushes that grow gumdrops instead of berries. There is not candy cane bridge over a river of root beer. The real world will not allow you a simple apology for your mistakes. Your words and actions are offered to the world for acceptance, and no matter if they're good or bad, there WILL be a reaction to them. I understood that from a very young age. I learned to respect my parents, and to be respectful of other adults, and to take responsibility for my actions and mistakes.
So according to a fair number of people, my parents are still bad parents right? The ever present need for society and humanity to generalize things for the sake of ease has struck again. Instead of viewing every situation uniquely and fairly, they're simply saying words like "all" and "any". That's not fair to those of us who are perfectly well adjusted as adults, but were disciplined this way as children. It's not fair to tell a person who spanks their child that they don't love their children as much as someone who doesn't spank. Not fair at all.
Please understand this. I don't disagree with the parents who choose not to spank their kids. Quite the contrary, I very much admire the parents who don't, especially if that works when it comes to their child getting the message they're trying to convey. So what is our philosophy and opinion? Let me break it down for you.
Our daughter responds very well to reasoning, more often than not. If she's throwing a tantrum about something, because it's not going her way, we can sit her down, try and get her calmed down with a hug, and then ask her why she's upset. If she can't seem to calm down, she has a little harder time answering the question. But if she CAN answer the question, then we can start dissecting that problem with her, and usually reach some form of compromise or deal about it, to avoid conflict.
One situation we encounter is when she's asked to do something, and suddenly decides that she's grumpy, puts on her pouty face and shakes her head no. "Ok Punkin, it's time to get ready for bed, let's pick up your toys so we can get ready for bed." Commence head shaking. This would be one of those instances where telling us no is not ok. We asked nicely, and since she was playing with them, she needs to aid in the cleanup process. As above, we begin by calmly reasoning with her, and explaining that it's part of her responsibility to help clean up after she's done playing. About half the time, she understands that it's partly her job to help too. The other half isn't so sunny... haha. She will maintain her defiant stance, so then we have to explain to her that it's not nice to make a mess and not clean it up. I don't want her to think that she can go through life making a mess because Mommy and Daddy will just come through and clean it all up for her, that's how Kardashians are born. On occasion, this second round of reasoning will take, and she'll come over and help. But there are the rare instances where it simply doesn't take, and then she starts to get belligerent and rude and disrespectful. It wasn't allowed when I was a child, it's not allowed in the real world, and it's not allowed in our house. She's given yet another opportunity to explain herself, and to come and help, and if she still continues to act that way, it's a quick pop on the behind. This is not to be confused with a full-arm swing, it's from the wrist, and it suffices to get her attention. At this point, another round of attempted reasoning begins. Usually, she'll come around and she's given the opportunity to apologize, and make right the situation. When that is established, we then apologize to her for popping her on the behind, and she acknowledges that she forgives us. Does that mean I don't love my daughter? Absolutely not.
Many parents who swear totally against this kind of thing will interject and tell me that when she's crying and yelling irrationally, that she's just expressing her emotion in the only way she knows how, and that we need to be more understanding about it and that she's emotionally distressed, etc. I'm sorry guys, but I disagree. She was asked calmly and kindly to HELP pick up her toys, and refused. She was explained the importance of taking responsibility, calmly and kindly, and still refused. It was explained again, and she began her tirade. Three explanations is plenty, and there is no "emotional hardship" behind simply not wanting to pick up her toys, and contribute to the effort. Believe me, I know when she's struggling with something like that. If she got her feelings hurt because one of us was impatient with her (which everyone does at some point or other), then it's OUR job to apologize to her, and sit and reason with her about it, and that's where she can explain that Mommy or Daddy hurt her feelings. These are the points where she learns about forgiveness.
Let's also be clear about another thing. There is a very clear line between discipline and child abuse. Just two weekends ago, a car skidded to a halt outside our house, a man exited, moved to the passenger door, opened it, and began to repeatedly slap his 15 year old daughter in the face so hard that we could hear his hand making contact with her face... from the backyard. She was screaming. Excessive? Absolutely. The sheriff was called about it, it was that bad. I'm sure some of you who read this will argue that there is no line. You're entitled to your opinion, as am I. And if your methods of parenting work for you, then I wish your child a blessed journey to adulthood, and I hope that you get as much out of it as your children.
This is the point guys. Children MUST understand the concept of consequences for inappropriate actions. The world is not going to give them a million chances to say sorry for their mistakes. That's not the world we live in. Reading about riding a bike is simple enough, as is listening to an explanation of how to ride one. When you're on the bike, that information carries only so much weight now. Any parent with half a brain will ALWAYS choose a more peaceful resolution to inappropriate behavior. Who wouldn't want a peaceful resolution to every problem. Be open to suggestions from other parents, you may not know they make a good point until you look at it with another pair of eyes.
There is nothing general or standard about a person's parenting style. It's a very dynamic, individual, unique experience to each family. I honestly pray that any who read this can understand that before they judge me.
See ya next time.
DISCIPLINE!!!
Yes folks, you read that right, I'll be throwing myself into the line of fire on this one and giving my perspective on one of the most heavily debated subjects of parenting.
So, first of all, this one might take some involvement on your part. Nothing public, just for your own use. So the first thing I want you to do is ask yourself a question. "Were my parents "good" parents?" Pretty simple yes or no question. When you have your answer, ask yourself the following question: "Why?"
Some common answers would probably be: They loved me more than themselves, they always provided for me, they set good examples for me, etc... could be anything. There are no wrong answers (with a possible exception being, "my mom's hair was always perfect"). Just keep those ideas in mind for this topic.
The common theme with a lot of sites I frequent is that spanking or physically disciplining your children is utterly wrong, and under any and all circumstances, makes you a bad parent. They make no bones about it. So let's go ahead and start there, might as well kick this party off with a bang.
I was spanked as a child. Note: I said spanked, not BEATEN. If I did something severely or deliberately disrespectful or defiant, I got in trouble for it. Sometimes that could be solved with an apology, and other times it could not. Now, I wasn't a terror when I was a child, so this didn't happen all that often. I could probably count the number of spankings I received on my fingers, without repeating. Not too bad considering how long I lived with my folks. Wondering how I answered the opening question? Here goes. Yes, my parents were awesome. Not because they coddled me and because I always got everything I wanted. Because they focused on teaching me the value of appreciation for what you're given, loyalty to family, responsibility for myself and my actions, and because they never failed to show me how much they loved me, even when I was in trouble.
Many of the things I teach my daughter are things I was taught by my parents, and I'm proud to do it. Yes, I was spanked as a child. Personally, I consider myself about as well adjusted as any member of society out there today. The trials and struggles I face on a daily basis are no greater than anyone else's. I don't hate my father or mother for the discipline I received as a child, which was never more than a pop on the behind. I am grateful for it, and here's why.
The world is not a walk along a flower lined path, edged by bushes that grow gumdrops instead of berries. There is not candy cane bridge over a river of root beer. The real world will not allow you a simple apology for your mistakes. Your words and actions are offered to the world for acceptance, and no matter if they're good or bad, there WILL be a reaction to them. I understood that from a very young age. I learned to respect my parents, and to be respectful of other adults, and to take responsibility for my actions and mistakes.
So according to a fair number of people, my parents are still bad parents right? The ever present need for society and humanity to generalize things for the sake of ease has struck again. Instead of viewing every situation uniquely and fairly, they're simply saying words like "all" and "any". That's not fair to those of us who are perfectly well adjusted as adults, but were disciplined this way as children. It's not fair to tell a person who spanks their child that they don't love their children as much as someone who doesn't spank. Not fair at all.
Please understand this. I don't disagree with the parents who choose not to spank their kids. Quite the contrary, I very much admire the parents who don't, especially if that works when it comes to their child getting the message they're trying to convey. So what is our philosophy and opinion? Let me break it down for you.
Our daughter responds very well to reasoning, more often than not. If she's throwing a tantrum about something, because it's not going her way, we can sit her down, try and get her calmed down with a hug, and then ask her why she's upset. If she can't seem to calm down, she has a little harder time answering the question. But if she CAN answer the question, then we can start dissecting that problem with her, and usually reach some form of compromise or deal about it, to avoid conflict.
One situation we encounter is when she's asked to do something, and suddenly decides that she's grumpy, puts on her pouty face and shakes her head no. "Ok Punkin, it's time to get ready for bed, let's pick up your toys so we can get ready for bed." Commence head shaking. This would be one of those instances where telling us no is not ok. We asked nicely, and since she was playing with them, she needs to aid in the cleanup process. As above, we begin by calmly reasoning with her, and explaining that it's part of her responsibility to help clean up after she's done playing. About half the time, she understands that it's partly her job to help too. The other half isn't so sunny... haha. She will maintain her defiant stance, so then we have to explain to her that it's not nice to make a mess and not clean it up. I don't want her to think that she can go through life making a mess because Mommy and Daddy will just come through and clean it all up for her, that's how Kardashians are born. On occasion, this second round of reasoning will take, and she'll come over and help. But there are the rare instances where it simply doesn't take, and then she starts to get belligerent and rude and disrespectful. It wasn't allowed when I was a child, it's not allowed in the real world, and it's not allowed in our house. She's given yet another opportunity to explain herself, and to come and help, and if she still continues to act that way, it's a quick pop on the behind. This is not to be confused with a full-arm swing, it's from the wrist, and it suffices to get her attention. At this point, another round of attempted reasoning begins. Usually, she'll come around and she's given the opportunity to apologize, and make right the situation. When that is established, we then apologize to her for popping her on the behind, and she acknowledges that she forgives us. Does that mean I don't love my daughter? Absolutely not.
Many parents who swear totally against this kind of thing will interject and tell me that when she's crying and yelling irrationally, that she's just expressing her emotion in the only way she knows how, and that we need to be more understanding about it and that she's emotionally distressed, etc. I'm sorry guys, but I disagree. She was asked calmly and kindly to HELP pick up her toys, and refused. She was explained the importance of taking responsibility, calmly and kindly, and still refused. It was explained again, and she began her tirade. Three explanations is plenty, and there is no "emotional hardship" behind simply not wanting to pick up her toys, and contribute to the effort. Believe me, I know when she's struggling with something like that. If she got her feelings hurt because one of us was impatient with her (which everyone does at some point or other), then it's OUR job to apologize to her, and sit and reason with her about it, and that's where she can explain that Mommy or Daddy hurt her feelings. These are the points where she learns about forgiveness.
Let's also be clear about another thing. There is a very clear line between discipline and child abuse. Just two weekends ago, a car skidded to a halt outside our house, a man exited, moved to the passenger door, opened it, and began to repeatedly slap his 15 year old daughter in the face so hard that we could hear his hand making contact with her face... from the backyard. She was screaming. Excessive? Absolutely. The sheriff was called about it, it was that bad. I'm sure some of you who read this will argue that there is no line. You're entitled to your opinion, as am I. And if your methods of parenting work for you, then I wish your child a blessed journey to adulthood, and I hope that you get as much out of it as your children.
This is the point guys. Children MUST understand the concept of consequences for inappropriate actions. The world is not going to give them a million chances to say sorry for their mistakes. That's not the world we live in. Reading about riding a bike is simple enough, as is listening to an explanation of how to ride one. When you're on the bike, that information carries only so much weight now. Any parent with half a brain will ALWAYS choose a more peaceful resolution to inappropriate behavior. Who wouldn't want a peaceful resolution to every problem. Be open to suggestions from other parents, you may not know they make a good point until you look at it with another pair of eyes.
There is nothing general or standard about a person's parenting style. It's a very dynamic, individual, unique experience to each family. I honestly pray that any who read this can understand that before they judge me.
See ya next time.
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